When Jessica thinks about how sexual health was addressed in her childhood home, she doesn't think of conversations; she thinks of silences.
"My parents thought they were being very progressive by telling me that there were three condoms in the linen closet," she explains. "But that was it—there was no conversation about how to use them, or the choices that I might be making in regards to sexuality." The message came through clearly that sexuality was something to be kept private, and that questions were to be kept to oneself.
It was an atmosphere that had consequences; Jessica became a mother two months after she turned 18. It was "an isolating experience," she says. But it also kickstarted her determination not to repeat the same patterns with her own daughter.
From the beginning, Jessica's daughter Laresa was taught that reproductive health, sexuality, and anatomy were not taboo. "I just remember always knowing what things were, what they were called," Laresa recalls. She could ask her mother questions, and they could find the answers together. As Laresa got older, these conversations sometimes became more difficult. But she and her mother stuck to their principles of openness, honesty, and availability.
In 2007, Jessica began working for Planned Parenthood Minnesota, North Dakota, South Dakota. When she heard about Teen Council, she knew immediately Laresa would be a perfect fit. At the time, Laresa, says, "I never knew Teen Council was going to be so much of who I am today." But now in her third year of the program, she has become a resource for friends, classmates, and even family members, who all know they can come to her with their sexual health questions.
Jessica has watched with pride. "The adults that I know don't talk about these issues in their own lives," she says. "And here are ten teenagers who are totally comfortable talking about this stuff!"
Both Jessica and Laresa know that they have something special. As Jessica explains, their approach to talking about sexual health has strengthened their relationship in countless other ways. "It opened up for me, as her mother, access to all kinds of things in her life that I would have absolutely no knowledge of or input into if we weren't comfortable having these conversations," she says. "And I don't know that we would have access to those pieces of each other's lives without the tools that we had individually gained from our involvement with Planned Parenthood."
Though it can be scary, Laresa says her peers can learn to reach out to their parents. "In most situations your parent needs to know and wants to know these things," she says. "And wants to make sure that you’re as safe as you can be, and as informed as you can be." Jessica agrees. As a parent, she says, "it's important to see your child as the adult that they’re becoming, not as a child that you control. And sometimes that's really hard." But by choosing conversation over silence, and committing to honesty even when it's difficult, Jessica and Laresa are finding the answers, together.
EMILY SHAFTEL, COMMUNICATIONS SPECIALIST
